Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Homecoming

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OK. I’m remembering. To write. Routines are off after getting home from rehab so I’ve forgotten Ancientrails.

Tara and Arjan have moved in. They’ll be here until later this month. Nice to have close friends in the house. Gives Shadow an in-house playmate. A good thing.

Mary and I have begun the lower body exercises Carol (p.t.) suggested. Twice a day. Next week Liz (o.t.) will add upper body work. I have a steep path forward. My motivation remains high. I’ll need it.

I find freedom in routine. Sounds paradoxical, right?  I need time already committed to exercise or write. Otherwise, like the last couple of days, I forget. The press of the daily sops up time, leaving none. My routines have been thrown off, way off by all the medical folderol. Trying to reestablish them.

Being at home with Mary, Shadow, Tara, Arjan makes me feel safe. I also enjoy having access to my own things. Books. Remotes. Streaming channels.

Even so, the transition home has had its significant difficulties. How do I maneuver a walker in the tight space of my bathroom? How do I get out of bed? Mostly how do I navigate life with severe physical weakness? Not unexpected, but hard.

 

 

 

General
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Sorry, folks. Asleep at the switch on Shadow Mountain. Awake now. Yes, woke! Why wouldn’t you want to be awake to reality?

On the theme of first harvests. I’ve been home just over a week. The adjustment has been difficult. So many ways to trip up, so many places I can’t go. Like upstairs. Even so. What a glorious feeling to be in my space with Mary and Shadow.

Exercise has outsized importance in my life. I have to get stronger. Better balance. More flexibility. It’s a fair distance from where I am now to a more functional body. No short cuts, either. Twice a day, every day. Also, because I had pneumonia, I have two devices that strengthen my respiratory muscles. A lot of huffing and puffing.

Working on the ADL’s. Is there a creative way to make me certified for a second one? After shower help. Maybe. Paul and his son-in-law Patrick, who is an occupational therapist, have some good ideas.

 

Meanwhile Dopy Don continues to wrack up puzzling and random policy decisions. Berate an attorney general for following the facts in the Olympian versus the reflecting pool. Claims he’ll restart the victims fund for those convicted of insurrection related crimes. Only the biggest investigation and prosecution in Federal history.

Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Twisty

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Life has gotten a little twisty. I want to move. But. I need the Long Term Care policy to activate first. Problem: to activate it I need to require assistance with two ADLs, activities of daily living. I do need assistance now with showering. That’s one ADL. Coming up with a second one? Not so much.

In this case you get penalized for retaining your independence. Not a great system of reward and benefit. Not sure where this leaves me. I knew all of this when I contacted Robin of Spacewranglers and the realtor, Matt Bachus. I knew it when I put down money to hold the one-bedroom unit.

The piece I didn’t know was this: not being able to cook and having a person’s assistance with all that entails does not count as an ADL. It’s an instrumental activity, whatever that means. Joseph was sure it was an ADL and I listened to him without checking. My bad. It sure seems like needing assistance in getting food should qualify which is why I didn’t question Joe. He was being logical in an illogical situation.

Anyhow. I’ll figure out a solution. May mean staying here on Shadow Mountain a while longer. Not a terrible result.

I’m in a gray zone between full independence and needing enough help to trigger the policy. Weird.

 

Speaking of weird. Interesting headline in today’s NYT: In Iran, The U.S. Appears Headed for a Strategic Defeat, Allies Fear. Gee. Vietnam. Afghanistan. Not a great track record since the 1960’s. It’s hard to be an effective imperialist today, eh?

Which leaves us with a question, how would a defeat in Iran play in our current domestic politics? I’m not sure. You would think, since Iran belongs solely to Trump, that he and his party would suffer in the upcoming mid-terms. May it be so.

But Trump has a way of wiggling out of responsibility if things have gone sour. Let’s hope that won’t work in this case.

Family, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Shadow Mountain, Weather +Climate

Back At It

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A cool morning on the mountain. Another Colorado blue sky and sun day ahead. Lughnasa and Mabon, the harvest period of the Great Wheel, make 16 weeks of often Goldilock’s weather. Not too hot, not too cool. Some precipitation, but not too much.

That is. This period used to be like that. Still can be, of course, but more and more what would have been mid-Summer heat intrudes. As does smoke from the burning boreal forests of Ontario. We’ve missed the mark. By a lot.

Been having a fun haiku experience with Joanne Greenberg. She suggested a haiku conversation. She writes one and sends it to me. I have to use the sense of the last line in mine. Back and forth.

My profound weakness continues to surprise me. Getting up from the bed is a challenge, even when using both arms for leverage. Same with my chair. It’s easy for me to overdo. Crossing the room to get a book, or let Shadow outside, can make me glad to sit down.

In spite of that I feel good. Engaged. Called a realtor yesterday. Lined up Robin of SpaceWranglers to oversee the process of clearing out the house. She helped me when I thought about a move to Hawai’i. Trustworthy.

I’m going to try to pull all this off in 60 days. Yesterday I put a 60 day hold on the one-bedroom at Elk Run. If I can’t get the house cleared and sold in that time; or, if we run into snags on the Long Term Care policy, I’ll probably have to stay here for the foreseeable future. Not a terrible prospect.

Got back in the saddle. Making those arrangements, paying some bills, getting my dues for CBE. Felt good to flex those muscles.

Mary will be here through August. Joe and Seoah plan to come in September. Hopefully I’ll be on my way to Elk Run by the end of that month.

 

 

Family, Fourth Phase, Health

End of Summer

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Almost to Lughnasa, the festival of first fruits. Loaves of bread made from the early wheat harvest. This is the time it begins  to feel like fall is not faraway though summer lingers in warm days and cooler, longer nights.

It’s also the time when Colorado schools start up again. Ruth starts classes on the twentieth. Gabe moves into the dorm at Regis around the same time.

Lughnasa is a time of preparation, getting ready for the main harvest in September, getting ready for a new year of learning. A transition between the growing season and the fruits of it gathered in.

On my part this year I’m looking at a move to assisted living, putting a finish to a long run of living in my own home(s). First house in Appleton, Wisconsin. Then Minneapolis, St. Paul (3), Andover, Conifer, Colorado. Happy to leave home ownership behind. Let somebody else have their chance.

Still adjusting to life at home with a walker, mobility limitations, significant weakness. Neither easy nor fun. Had a minor fall last night. Not a big deal. But. My legs weren’t strong enough to stand me up. Had to leverage myself onto the bed. High degree of difficulty.

Good to be home though. Shadow, my books, chair, TV. The comfort of the familiar.

Joe’s in the air on his way home to Korea. Mary’s planning to stay through late August. We’re investigating a person to come in the morning, at noon, and around bed time. Would be very helpful after Mary leaves.

I tire easily, don’t have much oomph in general. Exercise and good food. That will change.

 

 

Family, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain, Weather +Climate

A Full Clan Gathering

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The monsoons have come in full force, afternoon rain, the occasional thunderstorm. The mountains are green, Lodgepole needles, Aspen leaves, grasses and shrubs. Makes my heart glad.

A day, my first full day home, filled with people. Conversations throughout. My social battery hit empty in mid-afternoon, then went into over-depleted. Even so. Delighted to see Mark again. He’s leaving soon, possibly to D.C. or NYC before heading back to the sands of Araby.

With Mark, Mary, Joseph, and myself here we had the first gathering of the whole clan since Andover in 2011. Mary in Melbourne, Mark in Hafar, Joseph in Korea, and me on Shadow Mountain.  It’s not hard to understand why.

Joseph goes home tomorrow early. He’ll take a hotel room near the airport tonight. Without him and Mary the last month would have been problematic.

He’s got the insurance claim (long term care policy) underway, had my oxygen concentrators repaired, and collaborated with Mary on cleaning the downstairs.

His presence meant a lot to me. I needed him and he came, bringing his Lt. Col. skills and applying them to a fast changing and complex situation. My son, here and helping, helped me feel whole.

Mary had the foresight to recognize I was struggling and showed up willing to help. A selfless and kind thing to do.

Lucky to have both of them.

 

Family, Health, Shadow Mountain

Change of Venue

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When I went to bed last night, in my own bed, Shadow followed, jumped up and snuggled in next to me. It had been almost a month. I gathered her up in my right arm and hugged her. Good to be home.

Easier to sleep. Not going to the bathroom but using a urinal makes night time safer. Other modifications include a walker, less movement, a person listening while I shower. Unclear whether these will be permanent.

Joe contacted Allianz, carrier for my Long Term Policy, and initiated a claim. When I’m able to use this policy, a lot of financial matters will resolve. It would, for example, pay the cost of assisted living. A big help. Otherwise assisted living costs could make my margin each month thin.

Mark came up today. Tara and Ruth, too. Arjan came later. Melissa’s back, too. A full house with Mary and Joseph.

Assisted living is in my future. Might be a month or so, maybe later. A less fraught, more relaxed way of life. Shadow and I chillin’.

 

Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, Shadow Mountain, Weather +Climate

Heat

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Final entry from my bed in room 103. Back into the stream of daily life without periodic checking of my vital signs, room service meals, and therapy with Margaret, Jenny, and Britinni. Though I’ve had a good experience I’m ready to leave rehab.

Still boggles my mind that I was at home on June 30th, then in the E.R. on July 1. In this hospital bed or that one until today, twenty seven days later. Must have been serious.

Joe and Mary worked hard over the weekend getting things ready for me. I’m excited to see what they’ve done.

We’re making a to go order from the Lazy Butcher for a homecoming meal. Barbecue, burgers, lots of Southern side dishes. Conveniently close to my doctors where I have to go for a bone strengthening shot after I leave here.

Joe has also arranged a tour of Elk Run assisted living at 3 pm. It will be my first time there. Elk Run is not far from the Life Care Center and is behind the synagogue. Their location in a place I know well matters to me.

 

Elsewhere the world is on fire. Wildfires make regular front page news. Trump gets mad at Canadian smoke and slaps on tariffs just because he can. Spain and France have major fires approaching Madrid and Bordeaux. Heat. Hotter.

Dopy Donald can’t find a path out of the Chinese finger puzzle he’s created for himself in Iran. I hope he finds something because this war is a plague on all of our houses.

 

Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Changed

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The success of rehab. Feeling ready for the transition. Going home. And, I do feel ready. A bit stronger, more mobile, feeling good.

How will it be at home? No way to know until I get there. Twenty-seven days after the E.R. All in medical facilities. A long time to be away from the familiar.

Life Care center’s rehab wing with its private rooms, quiet halls reminds me of Catholic retreat centers of the same modernist vintage. Going with that I’ve tried to use this as a time for reflection, for considering my life as it is now. Not as I wish it was, but as it is.

Frailer in body. Diminished in size. Fresh intimations of mortality in recent memory. Surrounded by friends and family. Visitors every day. My curiosity, my eagerness to learn if anything heightened by the alone time I’ve had in abundance this medical month.

I feel myself changed. Less beholden to previously unexamined life choices like needing to remain in the house. Keenly aware of life’s fragility. Even more grateful for the relationships I have.

As I feel changed, I also find myself open to change. It may come, maybe soon.