Dogs, Feelings, Memories, Minnesota, Travel

Good Dogs

Leave a comment

Friend Rich Levine came by for breakfast. He asked me what my most exciting outdoor adventure was. I thought: screwing up my courage so I could traverse “fat man’s misery” and do the Mammoth Cave tour. Maybe running through the rain at Turkey Creek State Park in Indiana.  Hiking up the switchback trail of Haleakala’s caldera and down into its cloud-filled basin.

Nope. I remembered. The whiteout on Lake Saginaw. On a dogsled trip in the Boundary Waters. Coming back from seeing petroglyphs, our teams following Arlie, our guide, heavy snow and high winds blinded us to each other. No guide. One day into dogsledding and I had no idea where to go or what to do.

Trust the dogs. That was it. They knew where the camp was and they wanted to get fed. Took my foot off the brake. Yelled, hike! And off they went. I stood on the sled and let them carry me through the whiteout and back to camp. Good dogs!

Mountains, Shadow Mountain, Wild Neighbors

Habits

Leave a comment

Discovered from my neighbor John that the red fox I mentioned yesterday comes to Elk Run often. Our wild neighbors have their habits. On Shadow Mountain three yearling does came often, crossing Black Mountain Drive to dine below a large aspen. Three Elk bucks came, for four years straight, in the first week of June to enjoy fresh dandelion blooms in my backyard,

Sighting wild neighbors bonds those of us who live in the mountains. Bears. Mountain lions. Moose. Our shared home gives delight to all of us.

The nights have gotten longer, their temperatures dropping into the high forties. Fall, so reluctant these past few years, does come. Later than in the past. Though the golden aspens appear, daytime heat remains higher than normal.

Last year’s poor snowfall and the subsequent diminished rain fall in spring and summer drove our black bear population down mountains in search of food. More trash cans spilled. More human-bear encounters. More euthanized bears.  A low visibility tragedy.

May super El Nino bring us snow. Lots of snow.

Elk Run, GeekWorld, Minnesota, Wild Neighbors

Wild Neighbor

Leave a comment

Hoping the citizens of Minneapolis win the Noble Peace Prize. They deserve it.

Scheduled my Starlink install for October 19th. Should improve/eliminate buffering caused by weak Centurylink wi-fi. I’ll be happy to get a strong, consistent signal.

I don’t like Elon Musk. Starlink, however, for those of us in rural/mountainous areas, has far better service than the best of the rest. That matters when significant relationships reside in far-flung points both inside the U.S. and out. Maine, Saudi Arabia, Korea for example.

Critter watch: Living in the mountains my peripheral vision finds interesting things. On Saturday it caught motion down the slope outside my living room window. When I turned, a gorgeous red fox picked its way down the steep incline. His fur, really more orange than red, fluffed out, making him appear bigger. Healthy. His coat abundant. His eyes darted here and there. Ready.

So glad I found a new home still in the mountains.

Waiting on a caregiver to come and take Shadow outside, then I’ll head down for breakfast.

 

Cancer, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health

Not Yet

Leave a comment

Spoke with my oncologist P.A., Christina. Gonna try one more treatment, Pluvicto. Another radioligand one, similar to actinium. Radioligand is “a specialized precision medicine molecule that combines a targeting compound (a ligand) with a radioactive isotope to locate and destroy cancer cells.” Gemini

Pluvicto, harsher than actinium, will require Shadow to be away from me for three days while I quarantine in my apartment. Radioactive. Six infusions, every six weeks. If the liver mets respond, my prognosis improves.

A long and winding road, cancer. Twelve years, almost. Colorado time and cancer time-the same. Weary from it. Not hopeless. Not despairing. But weary.

However. Three full meals a day. A kind and caring staff. Good friends. Family. No more grounds or house to care for. Someday long term care insurance paying my tab. Stress reduced. Life enhanced.

I’ll do what I can. My own life wants that. However. It does not want pain. Or fear. So there may come a point when continuing to live becomes unbearable. Not yet.

 

Cancer, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health

A Fork in the Road

Leave a comment

So. New PETscan shows liver metastases. Not a good result. A next treatment-whatever it might be-will determine a lot. Discussing that with oncologist today. A little shaken though not surprised. This might bring death closer. If so, so be it.

I’ve been wrestling with cancer and its treatments since May of 2015. Up and down. Down and back up. Grim findings began when my PSA jumped in 2016. A few months after clear margins from my prostatectomy. From cured to not cured.

I focus on today. On what I can do. What’s within my power. My agency. Most of the time. But. On occasion a future possibility becomes a present certainty. Like death from a damaged liver. Felt real after I read the petscan results.  My inside opened up, an emptiness below. Then. Maybe, maybe not. But not today. I came back to Shadow, to breakfast. To Ancientrails.

I made this move to Elk Run at the right moment. If I am going to get sicker, room 308 is far better than Shadow Mountain. It’s also better for the time when I’m not sicker. Less stress, more day-to-day joy.

Another branch of my Ancientrail.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase

People of Elk Run

Leave a comment

My neighbor, John, has a long history of custodial jobs, interspersed with occasional gardening work. Along the way he’s learned a lot. History of upstate New York where he lived in Rome on the Erie Canal. Horticultural knowledge like the care and pruning of roses. Environmental issues through his brother’s work as Sierra Club staff in Missoula, Montana.

John does volunteer work here on the grounds of Elk Run.

Marsha, an elementary school teacher has lived in Evergreen for sixty-four years.  She eats at a familiar table with Mike who lived in her neighborhood as did Ruth who sits at the table across the way. They didn’t know each other.

Jim’s from Kansas City. Another Mike from Texas. One woman, who never gave me her name says she gets moved a lot. She likes Elk Run. One of the best according to her. I’ve met others. Paul. Gayle, originally from New Hampshire. Melanie who has dragons on her door. She volunteered that she leaves her door open and “blasts country music.”

Slowly meeting people.

Elk Run, Friends, Health, Recovery

Lunch Out

Leave a comment

Yesterday. No resolution yet on Shadow and the night. Crystal, unlike Nashay, has no problem taking her out after dark.

Most staff here work 4 twelve-hour shifts. That means the rhythm of their appearance changes often. I get the reason for a day shift and a night shift. It gives us residents continuity of care throughout the time we’re awake. Even so it would be nice to have caregivers on a more predictable schedule. Maybe I’ll get used to it.

Petscan results delayed. Appointment now on Monday.

Lunch out yesterday. Ginny and Janice. Ashley, Janice’s three year old niece. Patrick and Allen? Two men with great white beards. Felt at home.

We went to the Hummingbird, the Creole restaurant opened by Josh and Sarah, two CBE members with New Orleans roots. I had beignets (of course) and blackened mahi mahi po-boy.

We laughed and talked for an hour plus. By that time I’d grown weary, but happy. I can go out for lunch. Breakfast. Not too often. It did wear me out, but a big advance for my life.

 

Cancer, Dogs, Elk Run, Friends, Health, Shadow Mountain

The Dark

Leave a comment

A bit of a kerfuffle right now over Shadow. Nashay, the caregiver who described the dangers of the dark-bears, racoons, rabid foxes-with such quavery passion refused to take Shadow out. l protested. She said nobody would take her out. Devolved into her “calling her supervisor.” Who has not showed up. Gonna be a bigger issue as we move toward Samain, then the Winter Solstice.

Telehealth call has me a little anxious. How far has my cancer advanced? Could be minimal; could be a lot. Affects my longevity.

Lunch with Ginny and Janice and two of their friends from Milwaukee. One of them, Janice’s former student at the University of Illinois at Champagne-Urbana, has become a well-known costume designer. Looking forward to it.

Feeling a little down today. Nashay, whom I dislike. The only staff person here I don’t like. Since she’s my assigned caregiver on certain nights… Then, come to Jesus time about cancer. As well as selling my house and still in the midst of unpacking, settling in.  A lot. Glad I’m talking to Tom today and having lunch out.

 

Cancer, Health

Cancer

Leave a comment

Got up late yesterday.

Had a visit from my palliative care nurse sub, Claire. She brought along a nurse practitioner transitioning to palliative  care from the ICU.

Bless their pea-picking bureaucratic hearts the folks at Optum believe I’m doing so well I don’t need palliative care. Peculiar since I still have stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer. It’s not going away. Complimenting me while denying me benefits. Bad insurance company. Take a time out.

The nurse practitioner gave me a new formula for recovery from a hospitalization: a week for each day. Even discounting rehab a bit because I did get out of bed some, that formula suggest months of recovery. In addition she and Claire corroborated that recovery from the pneumonia itself takes months.

These comments were meant to reassure me that I was still on the upward arc of recovery. I appreciated them. I tend to focus on what’s still troublesome-weak legs, wonky balance-and forget where this journey started.

Had my petscan. It will tell the tale about my cancer status. Telehealth visit with Christina tomorrow  for the results.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Judaism

Hannah

1 Comment

Hannah. A slender, tall African woman. Always friendly, helpful. Came into my apartment yesterday and began enthusing about my books. Bemoaning the books she’d left behind. Said she spent her paycheck on books. “I never thought I’d see someone that loved books as much as I do.”

When she told me she spoke French, I asked what country she was from. Nigeria. She came here for college, her father paying. He died just after she finished her second year. Put stop to college. Her marriage then was young. She stayed here. Fifteen years ago.

She looked at my books, pulling out favorites like Chaucer. “Oh, this one is funny. I think Shakespeare got some ideas from him.” A shame a woman of her intellect had to settle.

Then, “Oh, you have the Torah.”

“Well. I’m a Jew.”

She stopped for a second, “So am I.” Hannah keeps a kosher house and has raised her children as Jews. Her parents converted before she was born.

We were both amazed. Book lovers and Jews. That’s a strong connection. We agreed to do something around Hannukah.

In the odd way of senior care, later that evening she helped me get dressed for bed. Which involved me getting briefly naked. No problem: caregivers role.

Thus endeth Monday.